Ye' you really just come off like a bigger douche than me on this one. I know you gotta give your fans that unattainable dream: jet setting across to foreign lands that would illicit a sense of bewilderment and exoticism.
Not only are you a year late but you then chose one of the year's biggest piece of shit phone to top it off. It's bad enough that your average fan (based on posts) are still going crazy for last year's Blackberry Curve, now you have them screwing with B&O's plans of getting out the cellphone game altogether.
Look man, really just get with the times and unbox a phone that does more than make phone calls. Like my 2 year old Blackberry Bold.
And sometimes you just come across something so fantastically frigtarded that you really can't help but put this up. E! I honor the place your tripe and the absurd become one.
For the record, Hills starlet, you really don't exist. Even when Lauren's there.
Thanks to everyone that's been sending emails wondering where I've been. Well I haven't been anywhere really just been preparing for last night's big Hopeformercial.
Man was it an experience. I cried. Twice. And I'm not ashamed to say it either. It was one of the most amazing heart-warming pieces on television; it actually got people watching primetime network television.
According to the AP/Nielsen 33.6 million people tuned in and had the audacity to hope... and Pushing Daisies even got some of their hopes and dreams answered... people stayed and found out that they actually have something on Wednesday nights on ABC.
What more can you possibly ask for? This man has not just put his life on the line, inspired a nation, and dared us to dream the impossible... he got people watching ABC when Desperate Housewives isn't on. The genuine article.
Well the cat's out the bag and Jane Six-pack turns out to be a Saks Fifth Ave's black card holder. Who would've guessed right? I am she just seemed so homey and a salt of the earth. She ate moose burgers and shot shit with her daughter's baby's daddy. I mean she soooo connected me and my needs.
And now the folks over at Politico have come to fuck this up for Palin's "real America." Let's face it, she's a governor with a trailer trash family and was thrown in front of the spotlight (like a moose in the headlights). Do you really believe that a beauty pageant flunky was gonna strut her stuff in front the camera in her Wal-mart best.
Hell no! My life is the spotlight. It's a demanding lifestyle and the emphasis is on style. GQ man of the year is speaking, I suggest you listen. See being the megastar that I am, I don't have to worry about the cost of my jeans, hoodies, and tees. I don't have to worry about it because someone pays me to wear it. Sarah Palin is just trying to live out her fantasy that she's somehow relevant (and the RNC has sponsored her look).
That being said; John Mayer is all about philanthropy and we should not let anyone suffer in this world. That's why for pennies a day, you too can adopt a redneck family and dress them like out of touch elitist. Maybe they'll even look smart and can pass for Democrats.
What a crazy election year this is going to be. We're down to the last two weeks and we're fast approaching the zero hour and although we can not ease up on our fight against those who'd not let the world change.
Well fear-not rebels; the WSJ says that over the last month we've all chipped in the last of 401k and have put Barry O to a record $150M in campaign money. Not too shabby for millions of "Joe the Plumbers."
The news comes at a most crucial time. Just as we've all come off the final debate's plumber high, the latest polls are showing Father Time edging up in some states closing the gap. It's more than a simple numbers game that we're playing here, the very opportunity to change the world hangs in the balance.
So let's not let up and keep the movement going. It ain't over til Nov 5th... and we got work to do.
My friends, I'm doing a little campaigning out in the Keystone State this weekend. We're bangin' down doors and talkin' to folks and spreading Barry's message.
One of the more interesting events of the weekend came from the Philadelphia Flyers (hockey team for those that don't follow) home opener. America's "favorite" hockey mom aka Caribou Barbie, was in the building to drop the ceremonial first puck. And the City of Brotherly Love did not fail to disappoint.
But don't take my word for it... I'm John Mayer. And I approve this message:
PS did anyone else catch the Obama-Biden Poster. Yeah it's like that.
This past Tuesday, Father Time challenged That One to a pissing contest of epic proportions. In an effort to point out Barry's "history of earmarks and wasteful spending," Father Time cited a request for a "$3 Million overhead projector."
What a powerful image that portrays. I mean I keep thinking about those shitty boxes with a lamp in it that college professors used in their lectures. And to be honest, if you're paying more than a couple hundred bucks then that's a rip off.
That would even burn your boy JM; except that's not what we're talking about here. The "pork barrel project" Father Time was speaking about was an upgrade to a planetarium (not plane-arium) in Chicago. You know the kind that is used to educate kids and those that wanna learn about that big black thing with the sparkly stuff in it at night. I mean, clearly two different things entirely.
Now I admit, I've owned more cameras than any man should be comfortable admitting to, but maybe, just maybe, this has created a bias. In an effort to not be partisan in our country's most difficult time I've provided a couple of links for Father Time that may help him get it together.
You know I'm not trying to alienate anyone or anything but there's a reason why you're boy John doesn't have a Microsoft X-box endorsement. For one the Rock God that intro'ed iTunes at MacWorld would never be so blasphemous and shun that which hath brought his greatness to the masses.
The other reason is quite simple actually, I've been endowed with the gift to screw two supermodels at the same and go on (and on) for hours without end. I mean what do you expect, I'm John Mayer. I make it rain bitches.
Well the BBC reports that men with high levels of serotonin are prone to premature ejaculation. It goes on to explain that serotonin, for all you unread kids out there, is the hormone that allows for a person to be adept at activities that require high reflex skills.
In just a few minutes we will be witness to the second most important and relevant debate in American history. Though it's been a few days (and a promised non-post on the V.P. debate) there's a lot to talk about and a lot that wasn't talked about.
If last Thursday's debate was any kind of barometer as to the state of America; we have truly failed everyone. What has truly become of us when a could-be elected official needs only manage to string together a few near intelligible sentences and you've been declared the victor and we have a problem. When for a week leading up to it, the experienced candidate is told that he must not make any valid points, not expose his opponent's weaknesses, and over-all give special treatment to said opponent simply because she has a clit or risk being viewed as a sexist. Well, that wouldn't be sexist at if we all held her to the lowest of expectations... Nah!
So while Governor Barbie was effectively non answering ANY of the questions asked of her we were simultaneously hit with the news that Wall St. is all but in the shitter; we were told that government should just "stay away" and "follow in some Wasilla Main St. sensibilities," we looked at the Dow crap out at one day loss of nearly 800 points. In other words, while Caribou Barbie is winking and talking like a retard, er, being photogenic and Ms Congeniality, most Main Streeters watched as their life savings were wasted away.
After the debate we saw some interesting (filed under disturbing) things:
(1) Wall Street is in the toilet, the war is still not over and not getting any cheaper, it's the Dems fault says the Repube, it's the Repubes fault says the Dems. But no one has any answers or plans expect that we get the bill.
(2) "I've got suckered into a bad mortgage, my home is going into foreclosure and I will almost certainly lose my home. Does the Bail Out mean I can keep my home?" Hell no... sorry guys on your own there.
(3) Lately Caribou Barbie has been touting the Republican agenda as "God's Plan" and "killing all terrorist and winning the war on terror." Some folks have said, "But John, hasn't she also alluded that Barack Obama was involved with a domestic terrorist. Does that mean that..." Yup. It's hard being a Black man in America.
But people we can change. We've been waiting for the world to change and here's our chance. Let's really look to the pending debate as grown-ups with more than two word vocabularies (those words being "evil" and "Wasilla"). Here's the game plan candidates:
Barry - there's a time to be civil, distinguished, and diplomatic. And now's not that time. We want to see that righteous RAGE. Rage and lash out and let the world know what we all know... You kick ass and chew bubble gum. Barry there's no more gum.
Father Time - PLEASE STOP AGING!!! Every second that passes is one second closer to a Barbie Presidency; anyone that makes Dubya seem like a likable, intelligent, and credible person is simply no good.
I'll be in transit this evening and reporting from the JM Wing (weather permitting). Stay tuned!
Except it was. Like a year ago. 
