Showing posts with label john mayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label john mayer. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Update
Hey guys, FJM again.
Just wanted to give you all the heads up: Be sure to check out my duet with BB King at the Grammy's Nomination Concert. As you can image we're the only thing worth watching so just be sure to flip over to see if we're on. It'll be on CBS so check your local listings.
Peace Out...
FJM
P.S. Yeah, we're sooo gonna f-in' rock!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
The Liar, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Hey guys! John Mayer here.
Well the cat's out the bag and Jane Six-pack turns out to be a Saks Fifth Ave's black card holder. Who would've guessed right? I am she just seemed so homey and a salt of the earth. She ate moose burgers and shot shit with her daughter's baby's daddy. I mean she soooo connected me and my needs.
And now the folks over at Politico have come to fuck this up for Palin's "real America." Let's face it, she's a governor with a trailer trash family and was thrown in front of the spotlight (like a moose in the headlights). Do you really believe that a beauty pageant flunky was gonna strut her stuff in front the camera in her Wal-mart best.
Hell no! My life is the spotlight. It's a demanding lifestyle and the emphasis is on style. GQ man of the year is speaking, I suggest you listen. See being the megastar that I am, I don't have to worry about the cost of my jeans, hoodies, and tees. I don't have to worry about it because someone pays me to wear it. Sarah Palin is just trying to live out her fantasy that she's somehow relevant (and the RNC has sponsored her look).
That being said; John Mayer is all about philanthropy and we should not let anyone suffer in this world. That's why for pennies a day, you too can adopt a redneck family and dress them like out of touch elitist. Maybe they'll even look smart and can pass for Democrats.
Peace Out!
FJM
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Why I don't own an X-box 360
Hey guys! John Mayer here.
You know I'm not trying to alienate anyone or anything but there's a reason why you're boy John doesn't have a Microsoft X-box endorsement. For one the Rock God that intro'ed iTunes at MacWorld would never be so blasphemous and shun that which hath brought his greatness to the masses.
The other reason is quite simple actually, I've been endowed with the gift to screw two supermodels at the same and go on (and on) for hours without end. I mean what do you expect, I'm John Mayer. I make it rain bitches.
Well the BBC reports that men with high levels of serotonin are prone to premature ejaculation. It goes on to explain that serotonin, for all you unread kids out there, is the hormone that allows for a person to be adept at activities that require high reflex skills.
Or as Paula Hall put it, "These men have very quick reflexes. They may be excellent at playing tennis or computer games, for example."
Well some folks have their X-Box Live scores to profess their greatest personal achievements. I'll stick to the two supermodel thing.
Peace Out,
John
You know I'm not trying to alienate anyone or anything but there's a reason why you're boy John doesn't have a Microsoft X-box endorsement. For one the Rock God that intro'ed iTunes at MacWorld would never be so blasphemous and shun that which hath brought his greatness to the masses.
The other reason is quite simple actually, I've been endowed with the gift to screw two supermodels at the same and go on (and on) for hours without end. I mean what do you expect, I'm John Mayer. I make it rain bitches.
Well the BBC reports that men with high levels of serotonin are prone to premature ejaculation. It goes on to explain that serotonin, for all you unread kids out there, is the hormone that allows for a person to be adept at activities that require high reflex skills.
Or as Paula Hall put it, "These men have very quick reflexes. They may be excellent at playing tennis or computer games, for example."
Well some folks have their X-Box Live scores to profess their greatest personal achievements. I'll stick to the two supermodel thing.
Peace Out,
John
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
A Day in The Life
I'm John Mayer and I approve this message:
See more John Mayer videos at Funny or Die
Thursday, September 18, 2008
On a lighter note.
FJM here guys!
Now I understand everyone's in a tizzy over the economy right now. But hey at you can rest assured that I'll be just fine. In fact, you should check me out in concert... in Blu-Ray. Oh yeah, and not to sound like an arrogant, self-centered tool; Check a clip of Usher in concert below.
JM approved!
Now I understand everyone's in a tizzy over the economy right now. But hey at you can rest assured that I'll be just fine. In fact, you should check me out in concert... in Blu-Ray. Oh yeah, and not to sound like an arrogant, self-centered tool; Check a clip of Usher in concert below.
JM approved!
See more funny videos at Funny or Die
Panic! at Wall Street
WOW!
John Mayer here.
What a fucked up week for anyone that plays high stakes Lotto, formerly known as Wall Street. Now we've all been watching the news very closely and the Market is in shambles. There's a whole bunch of information being thrown at you and you're left wondering, "what the hell does this all mean?"
Well I hate to be the barer of bad news; it means everyone that told their kids to stop "wasting their lives playing their garage band" and to "go to school and get a good job and learn business" was full of shit. I mean in my pre-RockGod days I was told the same thing. "John, stay in college. Learn a skill like business management. Math, numbers, charts, stop using a Mac. When are you going to grow up and use Windows."
Please. Could you even try to picture JM working a cubicle? Blasphemy!
I'm a true rebel. I didn't "play it safe," I played the friggin' guitar. They said go to school and I said I was done with all the bullshit teachers who couldn't cut it chasing their dreams. Everyone looked to Wall Street as the epitomy of a "safe job" a "chance of making a decent life" for themselves and their families. They flocked to their Ivy League Schools and their stiff suit halls of American Corporation... now they can all flock to the unemployment line.
Rock on you rebels. Those that chased the dream, keep running and piss on all the pencil pushers and their punch-clock promise.
Peace Out!
John Mayer here.
What a fucked up week for anyone that plays high stakes Lotto, formerly known as Wall Street. Now we've all been watching the news very closely and the Market is in shambles. There's a whole bunch of information being thrown at you and you're left wondering, "what the hell does this all mean?"
Well I hate to be the barer of bad news; it means everyone that told their kids to stop "wasting their lives playing their garage band" and to "go to school and get a good job and learn business" was full of shit. I mean in my pre-RockGod days I was told the same thing. "John, stay in college. Learn a skill like business management. Math, numbers, charts, stop using a Mac. When are you going to grow up and use Windows."
Please. Could you even try to picture JM working a cubicle? Blasphemy!
I'm a true rebel. I didn't "play it safe," I played the friggin' guitar. They said go to school and I said I was done with all the bullshit teachers who couldn't cut it chasing their dreams. Everyone looked to Wall Street as the epitomy of a "safe job" a "chance of making a decent life" for themselves and their families. They flocked to their Ivy League Schools and their stiff suit halls of American Corporation... now they can all flock to the unemployment line.
Rock on you rebels. Those that chased the dream, keep running and piss on all the pencil pushers and their punch-clock promise.
Peace Out!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The Man's Bag
Hey guys! John Mayer here.
One of the most awesome things about being a rock god is that all things are catered to your whims.
The good folks over at InCase asked me, "hey John, what would your laptop bag look like?" To which my reply was, "Dude; I don't want a fuck ugly bag. I own a MacBook Air; I don't need a fucking bag."
After an hour of having their marketing folks cry and beg for 2 hours straight, I finally said, "you can use my initials. My worshipers deserve it."
So, since the mood strikes you, check out my store, buy the bag and bring me my money.
Peace out,
John
One of the most awesome things about being a rock god is that all things are catered to your whims.
The good folks over at InCase asked me, "hey John, what would your laptop bag look like?" To which my reply was, "Dude; I don't want a fuck ugly bag. I own a MacBook Air; I don't need a fucking bag."
After an hour of having their marketing folks cry and beg for 2 hours straight, I finally said, "you can use my initials. My worshipers deserve it."
So, since the mood strikes you, check out my store, buy the bag and bring me my money.
Peace out,
John
Marriage Mirage
Hey guys; John Mayer here. So everyone's been harrassing my publicist lately about this whole marriage thing. First, let me just say that it wasn't me. No not the groupie, that was me, but the marriage. So you really think a mere mortal could tame the sex drive of a Rock God!?!
Yeah, I didn't think so.
But this isn't to say anything bad about Jenny A. I think shes great but she's not the best at worshiping at my feet. I mean really, every time one of these smut rags posted pictures of Angie's bitch, she'd get all soft and teary eyed. I mean really... focus on me. Thanks.
So all those pictures you've seen in the trash mags; never happened. That guy you've seen with Jenny A? One of her actor friends. I'm just disappointed that you would even mistake him for me. Really?!? He looks like a total douche bag. What a tool.
Peace out,
John
Yeah, I didn't think so.
But this isn't to say anything bad about Jenny A. I think shes great but she's not the best at worshiping at my feet. I mean really, every time one of these smut rags posted pictures of Angie's bitch, she'd get all soft and teary eyed. I mean really... focus on me. Thanks.
So all those pictures you've seen in the trash mags; never happened. That guy you've seen with Jenny A? One of her actor friends. I'm just disappointed that you would even mistake him for me. Really?!? He looks like a total douche bag. What a tool.
Peace out,
John
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